Samuli you joined this site because you are a fighter and yes to understand what you are going through is impossible but there are others in the same boat with no family (who love you and would be dead without you) no access to Internet and no partners. My friend finished chemo last week he has a few months to live at 30 years old. For us we take every day as if the world is ending in 3 months and be it a walk a coffee a laugh we just enjoy life as best we can. I was at my friends funeral on Sat who died after a chronic disability that stopped him ever having a partner (59) or a good job or any academic qualifications.
He got an Olympic Gold medal in the Paralympics and it was out on his coffin. This illness you have is like a weight around your ankle but your heart will get you to the top of any mountain. Go and get it help others and make your family happy do it for them.
And take tomorrow as the start of your new life and when you see that view it is truly beautiful and I know you can achieve Gold like my friend Jimmy did.
Depression is hard but depression can bring the best driven individuals to make music, friendship, business a success more so than someone who is not normal or otherwise known as not Depressed.
Every negative has a positive and every action a reaction. For you and us and your family make positive decisions/actions and I know you can do whatever you decide to focus on.
Take care
Davyblues

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk