I dont know what to do. Ive been disassociating the whole day, zoning in and out. When im detached is the worst time because its when i do stupid things. I just feel so miserable and desperate and awful.

Im staying with a relative for the weekend and cant do anything stupid around her, id feel so guilty, she's 83. I just dont know how to cope. Seeing therapist after long break (she was away) in a few days.
Meds arent working. My head is a mess. What the **** do i do? Im sorry to unload like this, but i feel so awful and like my head will explode. I cant take any of this. Sui.thoughts very high. I cant do this.