Some are worse for weight gain than others. Some of the newer APs are more weight neutral, so that could be an option. It's hard to get stable with worries about body image. Sorry to hear you are going through this The vodka definitely won't help. I don't drink now, but I've abused alcohol when unstable too. It works for a bit, but ultimately makes things worse. Plus it make me impulsive and more likely to do things I will regret. So careful with the drinking right now. hugs