So I'm trying to debate with myself whether or not I need to go into hospital.
I've had a six month long stay in one already, honestly it wasn't very good but it was kinda good. I had an abrupt discharge because I turned 18 so I kinda feel like I never got to finish my treatment there.
But that aside, now I'm really not doing well. I really struggle to get out of bed, I spend hours just to get out, when I finally do I usually go back to it in a couple of hours so I pretty much spend my day there. I've done nothing productive in so long.
The outpatient services here are a joke, I'm getting no therapy or help at all, I see a doctor once a month. All he does is give me a new prescription for my meds and sends me off again. I'm really struggling with this, I feel like I need the help.
I also need a break from my everyday life, I'm only 18 and I still live with my parents. I really don't get along with them. And it dosnt help that I'm struggling so much, we fight so much over me not doing like(like getting out of bed). They just don't seem to get it that I have no motivation for these type of things and I really can't handle it much more.
All of these things together are making me feel kinda suicidal. There's times when I have no problem with the thoughts and I'm safe but there's time when I lose control of them.
The reasons I'm not sure if I should go into one is, it's like a two hour drive to it. My parents hated it when I was in hospital last time and it was only an hours drive.
I promised my self I wouldn't go into hospital again, when I left my last one, I was actually in a good place and I made a pact never to go into one again and I really don't want to break it.
I'm not suicidal 100% of the time, this one is worrying me. See I'll have to say it to my doctor and my mum first and I don't want to tell my mum especially that I feel like I need to go into hospital and then when I'm assessed I'm told that I'm not like ill enough to stay in hospital(I'm really bad at expressing how I feel and have been misunderstood many times as to how bad I actually am)

Sorry that this is a super long post but thanks for reading.