Hi. I am a 51-year-old gay white male, and feel as though I am going through a mid-life crisis/depression.

The crisis started about a month ago when I started feeling unattractive and almost obsolete. But it got into full throttle when I decided to look up an ex-boyfriend from many years back. I had not been able to find him until then. This time I think I did find him, and for some reason it triggered some really bad feelings. The thought that he's moved on and I may never see him again made me very depressed. It also brought back feelings of rejection from him, such as one time after I had moved to a new city and found out he was there but didn't even call to tell me. I have always missed him, and now it feels like it was yesterday, not 20 years ago.

I have put together a letter to him that I may send, but am scared he may tell me off if I do send it.

Any ideas or thoughts are welcome. Thanks for reading!