Hi, hope you are doing well. How is iop for you? It's not being in a hospital, but it should support you. Have you been to discuss this with a therapist recently? Bipolar really sucks. I'm newly diagnosed, but I think I had my first mixed episode 2 years ago. I totally understand how you feel "looking" normal but are in knots inside. (Matter of fact, I just told my sibling that not 5 minutes ago).

The thing about fear, is, it's an emotional reaction. Can you try and remind yourself that? Emotions aren't rational, and they try and fool the brain into thinking they're smarter than the rational part of the brain. Emotions are followers, not leaders. Emotions aren't rational. Please hang in there. You are stronger than you know.

I don't want to upset you, but addiction and manipulation go hand in hand. If you need to go into the hospital, do it. Short term your hubby might relapse, but you need to see the bigger picture. Long term your husband needs you strong. I highly recommend a support group for family members with addictions. There is this thin line between love and enabling, and if your husband says he'll relapse then I question how sincere he says he is in wanting to quit. You are you and only you can do what's best for you. Long term your marriage needs you at your best, right? So stop worrying about your husband and whatever is best for your emotional health. You can do it, you know you can.