What would it take for you to get help? It can be scary, but it isn't so bad once you know what is involved. I'm a lot more scared of not having therapy now than I ever was of asking for help (which was significant). You don't have to settle for this. What can we do to help you here? I think that coming here is a step towards getting help too. If you didn't want help, I don't think you would be here.

TC,
Rap