Sorry for your loss,, but you need to process this, forgive me if im wrong but I bet you must be feeling angry at your t as well for dying and thats ok, its part of grieving, I would also feel abandoned and sad, and a sense of unfairness, why did you die on me? And none of those feelings mean you are self centered, its ok to have them. Its not ok to bury those feelings though, please process them with her colleague, at least.