Stuck, maybe it would be good to slow down a little. You've jumped ahead into thinking about the horror of giving up your life to provide full time care for your family before you even know if your grandmother is sick.

I'm pretty sure your situation will feel easier if you back up a step or two and think about only urging her to see the doctor to get it checked out. If you called her three times, you obviously care about her.

It's okay for you to have an adult to adult conversation, telling her that her symptoms sound worrisome to you and you would really appreciate it if she saw a doctor ASAP, just in case she needs treatment. Calmly and rationally. No hand wringing. I trust your judgment about your parents having a keen eye for seeing opportunities for future manipulation. At this point, it's just urging grandma to act responsibly.

As an adult, you can share that concern with your grandma without getting hooked back into the family dysfunction. If you're worried that it could be her heart or cancer or some major organ system, it's okay to urge strongly. If it's a pain in, say, her foot or knee -- in other words something unlikely to be fatal -- it's okay to make your suggestion and step back into detachment. Grandma may ignore you. But you will know that you made the the effort.

It's like this: If you fail to encourage her to seek medical advice because you're worried about future caregiving duties that may never happen ... and then if something really dire befalls grandma ... and she gets life-threateningly ill with something that could have been prevented with early diagnosis and treatment ... well, it's likely you'll beat yourself up for a long time. That's just human nature. For just about anyone with a functioning conscience. For adult children of dysfunctional families it's almost the default position.

Talk to Grandma about doing the adult thing -- getting it checked -- for your own peace of mind as well as for her health. If she ignores you, there's not much you can do. But if you know in your heart you talked to her as one adult to another, you will have nothing to beat yourself up about if things suddenly go South.