Do you know what theoretical orientation your therapist is? I'm asking that because some theoretical orientations focus on transference while others do not. It might be the case that your therapist is of such a theoretical orientation that he doesn't think that transference is necessary or useful unless it is a mildly positive one that facilitates trust and willingness to do the theraputic work. If you don't know what orientation he is then it could be helpful for you to ask him.

> He just said he wants to foster a healthy dependency and not an unhealthy one. When I asked if he thought my dependency was unhealthy he said no but didn't really elaborate.

That comment seems very much in synch with the notion that he doesn't think that intense transference (transference neurosis) is necessary or helpful. Hence it is something that he is attempting to avoid / prevent.

It is one thing to attempt to prevent it from happening and quite another to avoid it / ignore it once it has occurred, however.

> I think he was fine with the attachment when I first told him last September but slowly over time it has gotten stronger not weaker. That probably is making him uncomfortable. This is what I sense when I am trying to be more honest about what I'm feeling between sessions.

Right. That is a shame. Kohut talks about the detrimental effect of therapists not being able to (or willing to) 'hold' the transference feelings...

> Mostly what he has said about transference is 'it's not about him', the therapeutic sessions are false environments and we only see the nice, funny, empathetic side of our T's...so goes the fantasy creating I guess.

Sounds to me that he doesn't know very much about intense transference / doesn't deal with it often. While that might well be true it really doesn't affect your feelings.

What he seems to need to know is that... It is precisely because you feelings originate from the past that he doesn't need to be concerned about your feelings for him. In fact your feelings (and your willingness to share them with him) provide a really useful way in to finding out a lot of your past hurts and the like. They can be used as a platform.

I'd ask him what he knows about transference... And... I'd maybe try and arrange some reading for him ;-) But then I tend to do that :-)