munchkin, I am so sorry to hear that you're experiencing such traumatic information. It's news that would devastate any parent.

This is something you can't ignore. If it's true, do you want to stay with the man who abused your daughter, even if it means disrupting your entire life? It sounds as if you doubt your daughter. Do you have reason to doubt her? Or are you just so shocked that you don't know what to believe?

It's totally natural for you to feel overwhelmed and upset and to not know what to do. One way or another, your life is about to be turned upside down. Find someone to help you through this. Before you have any answers, you'll need plenty of questions to figure out what happened and how to cope with it.

I strongly urge you to find a therapist ASAP who can help you navigate through these stormy seas. You might consider consulting a family law attorney for advice on how to proceed. An attorney can give you 100% confidentiality. Most family law attorneys can make good referrals to therapists who know how to deal with problems such as these.

It will cost you to consult an attorney, but it can be money well spent. Not only can s/he guide you toward help, but if your daughter is telling you the truth about your partner, you had better start protecting your assets because a man who would abuse your daughter does not have your best interests at heart.

Whether your daughter's phone message felt calculating is beside the point right now. Your family is in crisis. Get help as soon as possible. If your daughter was abused, she is suffering unspeakable pain. These accusations often seem to come out of the blue. Slowly, over time, as the shock wears off, you will begin to understand what is true and what isn't. My thoughts will be with you.