Dear MustKeepJob32: first, congratulations on your new job! And sorry that it is also such a source of anxiety and distress.

couple things, here: Is it possible you need your meds re-titrated? Would you feel more secure if your meds were more helpful?

I can relate to having a less than consistent track record re: jobs. Do you think if your family/ex partner were more on-board with your plans it would make you feel a little less anxious? Do you think their doubts mesh with your current outlook/skills (ie maybe you feel more ready to take on a job, feel more prepared, but its fear about the past rather than present reality that is giving you anxiety?)

Sometimes taking time to care for yourself can be more helpful in the long run than hurrying back into the workplace; I know you want to be independent, and it's frustrating to feel you can't adjust as well as your brothers, or others. But you are dealing with some real issues with BPD, and the meds can add to the challenge. Do you think you would benefit from more time before you went back to work?

Sending you best thoughts and wishes - whatever you decide, know you're making the best choice for yourself right now. I hope you will post updates to say how you are doing...

Take care - Bolivar