wildflowerchild. I feel so much of what you are talking about, cried a bit. Know this -- You are not alone. The details are different, but damn, it hits some powerful familiar chords. So, even right there, even possibly without realizing it, YOU are doing what friends do too, "as if I (you) would know that" or not.

I wish I had words of wisdom to give you. The title you chose is apt. Sometimes it's all we can do…. radically accept it. It's f'd up, it's unfair and it just plain sucks, but it is what it is and we muddle through the best we can. The double crisis -- where to begin? But for those who've been there, no explanation of its challenges is necessary. Do watch that it stays in relative balance, though. It's all to easy to slide into a pattern of serious lopsidedness. WAAAY easy. And a fast road to that is to stuffing down and minimizing your own needs. Their needs are NOT more important than yours. Being strong for each other is all well and good, but can only go so far. You really DO need to do what is best for YOU.

This line gave me chills: "I am terrified of my own mind, that it could turn on me like it did at any moment. I never ever thought that could or would happen to me. I never thought my condition would take me there." It is almost exactly my answer to a question a week ago in therapy. I will be back there again tomorrow (it's been a long time since such a short timeframe of appts.). BF couldn't understand why so soon again (he is consumed with an issue of his own). My reply: "Because I need to." My energies have been so focused on him, but I'm losing it in ways he can't understand. It doesn't diminish my concern for him one bit. But to ignore what is going on with me -- and get help for it -- is a recipe for disaster and won't be a help to either of us.

Guessing there might be some parallels there.
to you