I can relate, sort of. I have a semi-irrational fear of being put on a form (involuntarily committed). My addictions Dr. has come close a few times, so now I'm really careful what I say to her. I don't have the same fear with my pdoc, since he views hospitalization as a last resort.

If I can be gently challenging, I think you need to try to let go of the label and move on. Since your partial hospitalization program, you've made huge, incredible strides in changing your life for the better. I'm not saying quit therapy, if it helps you, but you might want to look at mindfullness. It's all about staying in the present, and not letting the past haunt you. I still struggle with regrets about the past occassionally, but now I'm mostly able to stay in the present, and it's incredibly liberating. Jon Kabat-Zin is a good author to start with.

Please don't think I'm trying to minimize your struggles. I'm not. I accept that they are very real to you. All I am saying is that sometimes it can be more useful to stop dwelling on the past and focus on the now.

splitimage