I never expected my partner to initiate interaction with my parents, siblings or friends or for them to initiate anything with him. They all disapproved at first, but over time they changed their minds and their hearts. They were my weird family and I considered them my problem, not his. I asked him to continue to behave civilly and politely when in their company, even if they acted badly, and if they acted badly, we'd leave without harsh words. Just, "Okay, Gotta go now." They weren't stupid. They soon clearly understood that behaving rudely would chase us away. I considered it their choice to make and I'd accept either their welcome or their rejection.

It took several years for things to shake out and for them to see they were the ones losing out. But, still, I never expected him to initiate anything or to have any relationship with them independent of just accompanying me once in a while. There really was nothing wrong with my partner, except he did not fit their pre-conceived notions or expectations. Again, I decided to say that was their problem, not mine.

In my opinion, and I could be wrong, it's asking way too much to expect your partner to take your child over to visit your grandparents if you expect him to actually remain present in the company of people who don't like him and show it.

If you can trust your grandparents enough to leave your child with them for visits unsupervised by you or your partner, then perhaps you can arrange something like divorced couples do for dropping off and picking up children for visitation hours. Asking him to do that would not be unreasonable if you're working long hours and he isn't. If they refuse to welcome his children, he could then do something fun or special with them so they didn't feel left out.

Those are the kinds of arrangements blended families have to make when various in-laws and out-laws refuse to accept the family as a whole unit. Been there, done that and it works.

If your grandparents can't be trusted, well ... it's just too bad for them. And it's all right to tell them why they don't get to see their grandchild as often as they would like. You don't need to hurl it at them in an accusatory way; just tell them this is how it's going to work because you don't have enough hours in the day to please everyone so you're not going to twist yourself into a pretzel for them if they're not willing to meet you halfway by lightening up their attitude toward your partner.

If they remain firm in their disapproval of him and if they are rejecting toward his children, who are part of your family, just because they don't like him, well, as hard as it may be for you, you may just have to accept that you'll be seeing less of grandma and grandpa. If you love them and like them a lot, you'll find time to visit them with your child once in a while. But it's really okay to stop trying to force people to like each other as one big happy family. When I stopped trying to force things, my family came around and the tension stopped.

Now, your mother ... that's another chapter.