I've decided to stay home and played trivial pursuit with my mom to keep my mind off things.

And yes, I think it was more than just checking her out, see I've studied horses at university and they're really my area of expertise. I think I wanted to see how good a rider she is, and hopefully prove myself I'm better than her in at least one area. This would have allowed me to not feel quite as vulnerable...

My T also has horses, and whenever I help her out with hers, I feel so much better about myself, like for once I'm not the one needing T, but T is the one needing me. This doesn't happen often, as she only once or twice asked me for help or advice and never during the actual session. But while chit chatting, if I can give her any advice I will gladly do so.