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alexandra_k said:
I'm just feeling like I don't know how this is supposed to go. I wonder a bit about other peoples therapy sessions. How they get started. What kinds of things other people talk about. Maybe things are different for me because I have all these ideas that it is about talking about the things I'm ashamed of and talking about past hurts and talking about transference feelings. Maybe other people don't arrive with such preconceptions of what therapy is supposed to be about and so it it lighter most of the time and then they have moments of intensity... Whereas for me the whole session (from just before I arrive truth be told) is super-charged.

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alexandra, for me the whole session is often quite intense. I think part of this is because I am very motivated to progress in therapy and don't like to spend time on pleasantries and talking about stuff that is superficial. If I had more time and less pressure from my life situation, I would move more slowly in therapy. T always leaves it up to me to start the sessions because he says only I know what I need to talk about. I often have a good idea of what I want to start with by the time I arrive. I have a whole week to decide, and usually the most important thing will rise to the surface before our session. Occasionally it doesn't and I am not sure how to begin, and T lets me sit there in silence and let whatever I need to talk about come up. Sometimes if the silence grows too long, he'll say "just let it come, I'm here," in an easygoing way that is reassuring and not pressuring. He also has told me that if I need more direction from him, to please ask him.

Sometimes T will offer "bait" to me and it is up to me to comment on it or not. Like he will mention something or have a "prop" such as a book or something. Sometimes I do not rise to the bait and just ignore it, mainly because I have my own direction for the session and have so much that is really important to me to get through. I feel a little guilty about those times because it's almost a little rude to ignore his props like that. But we only have 50 minutes once a week and it is never enough time! Sometimes I will rise to the bait. But he's never pushy about it or acts rejected when I don't take it.

There are also other rarer times when we just kind of talk easily about this and that and it is surprising what comes up. With this T, I rarely cry in session and I think sometimes that he thinks I should, based on the experiences I share with him (like they are tears-inducing tales). Once during one of these seemingly random easy talks, some sadness just came out of nowhere for me and I cried, and it was a big surprise, because I wasn't telling him about a big trauma or anything. It was good.

I hope that is helpful to you as a comparison point for your own therapy. I don't think there is any one "right" way to do therapy. I have no idea if I do it like other people or not. I do know that I move more quickly, because T has told me that.