I, also am sorry you went thru what you did. I, also, had a several year relationship with a narc, and it is devastating to live with, before, during and after.

With that said, I take issue (respectfully) with you lumping NPD, BPD and HPD all together. An NPD can have some traits of the other two disorders, certainly, however most BPD's are not adverse to help when they realize there is a reason their lives are so messed up. Unlike NPD, as I've said in other posts, people with BPD are much more likely to harm themselves, physically and emotionally than deliberately harm someone else...and even if they only think they might have hurt some one in any manner, they will often spend days if not weeks beating themselves up for their lack emotional control...even if that loss was brief, and actually uneventful to everyone else.

I know this because I am BPD. In some ways it defines me, and it is a daily, sometimes hourly struggle to keep it from sucking my self-esteem dry, and completely consuming my life. NPD's are very reckless and disregard anyones feelings because of a lack of empathy...they simply can't understand someone elses feelings...it's a completely different language---but because most NPD's are high functioning, they don't see there is anything wrong with how they relate to people, and even less interest in how they may have harmed them. NPD's are rarely self-aware enough to seek help...it happens, of course, but it's not the norm. People with BPD are (speaking for myself and others I have known), all about empathy..in fact, we often have too much of it.

I know little about HPD, so I hesitate to form a complete opinion about those suffers, but I'm relatively certain their lives and the lives of those around them isn't a bed of roses either.

Again, I'm sorry for your troubles, but please don't generalize between disorders. You do them, and yourself a disservice.

Take care