Quote:
Originally Posted by Mignates
Hey there,
Not sure if I am posting in the right forum, let me know if I am in fact not.
Dissociation is one of my biggest issues. I have for a long time wanted to go to school for child and youth care, but have put it off because I am afraid that I won't be able to absorb anything.
I have such a hard time thinking. Like, when people who meditate explain that their goal in meditation is a blank pallet, a clear mind, I always want to tell them that it isn't that hard, I've been in that state for years. Almost like I am on auto pilot, and I can't take control of the vehicle even when I try.
I have huge issues with my memory. Both long term and short term. Often times, a friend will talk about a conversation that was had between them and myself, and I will have no recollection of it at all. Or even situations.
I'll drive to the store, and then home, but not remember which route I took, or what I bought, or if I even bought anything.
I try to take interest in things, but because I can't make my mind work a lot of the time, I fail to take interest. I also have a hard time relating with others because I'm so detached from my own emotions.
Does anyone else have similar experiences?
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Wow I feel like I could have wrote that myself... I go through all of that, still trying to get a diagnosis as to what I have. The whole thing about wanting to go to school but being afraid you won't absorb anything... that's one of my biggest fears right now. I'm even afraid to take on a job at this point because there have been so many times at past jobs where someone has told me to do something and I pretty much instantly forget what I'm supposed to do, then I feel like an idiot for having to ask again.
And that thing about hearing about a conversation you had with someone, or something you did in the past but not being able to recall it... ugh. That happens to me all the time... "Hey remember when we did this?" "Or hey remember when you did that!" And I'm just like "Yeah... that was mad funny." Even though I can barely (or sometimes not at all) remember doing/saying these things.
What about things like reading? There is so often that when I try to read a book I end up having to re-read things over and over because I just can't seem to absorb the information. Same with movies or a tv show... it's like I'm watching it just to pass the time because I don't actually absorb or think about things. My mind is always so blank -_-
I heard somewhere that this is because anxiety and depression symptoms are so high, that they are taking up the majority of our brains processing power, and this makes us not be able to think freely, link things together like other people, think of positive things, etc. That kind of makes sense to me...