Thank you so much everyone for your responses. All of this has been enormously helpful.

I spent the weekend going back and reading about various personality disorders besides BPD and found that my mother has characteristics of most of them, including several of NPD.

For the record, here is where I got the majority of my information 10 years ago:

There are several different types of Borderline Personality Disorder mothers, as explained by Christine Anne Lawson, Ph.D., in her book “Understanding the Borderline Mother.”
It is understood that those suffering with Borderline Personality Disorder generally fall into two categories: low functioning and high functioning. Low-functioning people with BPD tend to demonstrate more helpless and depressive symptoms that can result in them seeking help.
Those who are high functioning generally do not reveal their symptoms to those outside of the immediate family and are less likely to seek any help at a Borderline Personality Disorder treatment center.
Lawson further breaks down these categories into four types when describing BPD mothers:

High-Functioning BPD Mothers

• The Witch: This type of mother with Borderline Personality Disorder seeks power and control over others, and reacts with rage that is unpredictable. Children and other family members live in fear of triggering her, and find that trying to behave as she wishes is pointless since it is not their behavior that precipitates the rages, but the mother’s own fear of abandonment. It is not likely that the Witch will ever seek BPD treatment or recognize her damaging behaviors. It is not uncommon for their children to develop depression, shame, and insecurity. They may even suffer with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) further along in life.

• The Queen: Queens need to be the center of attention and view others as a means to serve that craving. Children are mere reflections of the mother and must validate and agree with her in order to assure her that she has their respect. Queens can be manipulative and vindictive. They cross boundaries without recognition or regret. Children of Queens are not permitted to have their own needs or opinions, and are not encouraged to become individuals in their own right. Later in life, these children may begin to show signs of BPD themselves. At the very least, they suffer severe self-esteem issues.

When I first read about "The Witch" and "The Queen", I recognized every single characteristic mentioned. This was the point where I felt vindicated because I finally had a name for something I had spent my entire life trying to understand. I am amazed that I didn't develop BPD myself. It was explained to me early on that it's probably because I had a multitude of mitigating factors in my earlier years.

Low-Functioning BPD Mothers

• The Waif: Waifs feel worthless and victimized. They can suffer from depression, anxiety, irrational fears, and feelings of vulnerability. Waifs feel helpless but reject attempts by family members to help them. In this way, they passively control others and are generally unable to nurture others. Children and family members may feel that they can help if only they do more, learn more, and give more. Unfortunately, this can lead to extreme frustration as the Waif continues to stay helpless as a means to control and avoid abandonment. Children may feel angry and alone, even as they are inextricably enmeshed with their mothers. They may develop codependency issues as adults.
• The Hermit: Hermits feel constantly betrayed by others and take criticism as a condemnation of who they are. They are constantly criticizing others to mask their own inner shame. They may socially isolate to quell their own fears and paranoia. Perfectionism is a hallmark of the Hermit, and they can rage or criticize when others fail to meet expectations. Like the Queen and the Witch, Hermits conceal their BPD symptoms from others outside of the family. Children of Hermits can develop their own mistrust and fear of others, as well as deep-seated fears of failure that can prevent them from developing as autonomous individuals, as they fear new situations and people.

My mother is definitely high functioning, no doubt.

My therapist recently had me do an exercize where I had to make dolls (I prefer the word effigies) of me and my mother as I saw us. The first thing I did when I finished making hers was to sew the mouth shut. Making mine was a horrible experience. Mine has no facial features, The left arm is no more than a small flipper (I'm left handed), the right hand is gone, as well as both feet.

I know all the reasons why the effigies came out the way they did, though when I set out to make them, I had no idea they would come out as they did.

What led up to my latest crisis, including starting this thread, was that I was supposed to do to/with the effigies what I wanted to in reality. I couldn't wait to destroy the effigy of my mother. I had all sorts of ideas of all the ways I was going to hurt her. However, when I took it to the storage shed behind the house where I had a multitude of tools/weapons at my disposal, I couldn't do it. My enthusiasm was completely gone and I DID NOT feel good at all about what I had planned to do to this substitute for my mother. I carried it back in the house and put it away where I didn't have to look at it. I'm not capable of hurting her, be it an effigy, or my mother herself. Talk about a major shock to my system! I've fantasized for years about the revenge I thought I wanted.

The effigy of me I dressed in baby clothes I saved from when my children were small. With her, I'm starting over, treating her and nurturing her as she should have been from day one, thus allowing her to grow up in a world full of love, peace, and nurturing. It's very cathartic, and very, very painful.

I think I am getting closer and closer to finally finding acceptance. Maybe. Time will tell.