Jane, hospitalization is a difficult decision and outcomes vary with each hospital. I have very similar issues that you are struggling with. Heck, I'm 43 and I had to move back in with my parents a year and 1/2 ago. Don't feel there is something to be embarrassed about because you're still with your parents at 18. You need to stay focused on getting better and then, when you are healthier, you'll be ready to get your own place. Don't rush it. For me, being hospitalized got me out of crisis but it did not really prepare me to deal with the world. But, that might just be the type of tx offered by the particular hospitals I went to at the time. I've had better luck with 1:1 tx with Ts and pdocs. Yeah, my illness has progressed and I've had to come back to my parents for some assistance but I'm trying to do my best. I also found OutPt programs to be of little benefit. I don't know why--they just were not really relevant to my situation. The programs were sorta cookie cutter format and did not address my individual needs. I totally understand how difficult it is to force yourself out of bed and I don't think its a lack of motivation. You sound like you WanT to get out of bed and that means you're motivated--but, sometimes, even if you are motivated, your illness can hold you hostage in that dang bed. Do it a little at a time...don't give up. If I have had a bad day, I sometimes have to just let it go and promise myself to give it another go the next day......D.