Im not sure if the feeling is what your dr told you to watch out for, as im just realizing and coming to terms with who i am, i guess...

Anyway reading your post i felt like i could have wrote it myself. Ive often 'felt alone in a crowd of loved ones' you cant talk to them because they dont get it. I just missed 4 days of work because i couldnt manage to get out of bed. This is after an episode of thoughts of suicide that scared me enough to go to a mental health hospital. My mom came down to make sure i was ok and she says "i dont get it carrie, you just need to get up and do what you need to to get thru the day and crash when its over"

Unfortunately, i had someone like that, he could hug the feeling away, someone ive connected with like ive never connected with before. My soulmate. My best friend. He provided a safe feeling, warmth and comfort ive never experienced before. BUT he related to me because he had his own hurt and pain. In the end he couldnt handle me. He left. Triggered the night i went to the hospital.

We try and stay away from each other, but that connection brings us back and the pain we cause each other pushes us away. Which is terrifying.... What are my options here? A life full of people that make me feel lonely or have someone who connects with me but our pain just hurts each other? Is there a middle ground? I wish i had the answer.

So, i very much relate, but i havent grasped how to deal with them.