> have taken a benzo before session. helped a bit and I told the T that i had taken it (only fair).

okay. i'll give it a shot this week. i'll be sure to tell him as well. (if it works out well he will need to write me a prescription lol).

> I frequently do some relaxation breathing before my session to help me go in more relaxed. It helps a lot. Being relaxed does help the thinking.

yep. i try and do this too. part of the problem is that the sessions really are very early and so i get a maximum of 5 hours sleep before going. so i'm sleep deprived. and i need to have 2 coffees just to feel awake. but then the anxiety kicks in despite my trying to relax in the 20 minutes before i walk in the door. i know the coffee is pretty bad... but it turns off the REM sleep (without it i'm kinda dreaming while awake). maybe i should just take half a tablet. and / or get him to prescribe a slightly smaller amount than the present dosage i've got (which is most useful for intense episodes).

> What if, when you have the vision of holding him close, that you..slow down and practice kindness to yourself.. and just let it happen, allow yourself to have a vision of closeness with your T. It doesn't have to last long, just a little at a time. When you've had enough, instead of smothering him or beating him let him go and say "That's enough". Your part in the vision you have now seems to say that you think you are dangerous to him. That being close to him will be dangerous for him. It won't be. He's okay and sturdy and can well take care of himself, so it's okay to let the feelings of closeness happen.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/image...ns/Bawling.gif

(it wouldn't paste)

thats beautiful echoes.