I agree with Werewoman. You had this presented to you when you were young and
a part of you believes that it is a horrible thing for people to know the reality of
who you really are, but that was imprinted in you from your father. That was always
there in you but since you experienced a trauma and it affected you so profoundly,
even when you were told to give up as you have discribed, that too sent a message
that you broke and now are not good for anything. That is now a big worry for you
because of how PTSD magnifies how we feel about things.

What I find interesting is how you were treated verses how I was treated. I broke and
needed to slow down and take a break, yet was told that I could not do that in many ways. That reflects on my childhood where I had some big challenges, my family had issues too, had to look good to the public, and though I struggled I had to keep finding a way to keep going then too.

Most families have dysfunction and everyone has their public persona they keep up
for appearances. I think you would be cured if you got to be a fly and buzz around
and get to see what people hide behind their closed doors Mowtown.

You have been working out and taking care of yourself and other's have noticed and say you inspire them right? What that means is they need to or wish they could get motivated like you are as they have their own issues you don't know about, much of which is their own self esteem problems that you don't see.

If you don't believe me take time to search the forums because this is it, this is real life Mowtown, so many people that struggle and have family issues, difficult histories they
struggle with too. You are more "normal" than you think you are.