Quote:
Originally Posted by Parley
I hate to sound stupid but I don't understand why so many people feel guilt. I know I have guilt over what happened in my life but I had no guilt for how I acted. Now granted, I never went in a psych ward. I was on the outside fantasizing about it and couldn't wait for my time. That's messed up but I don't feel guilty for that. Is it because I didn't break down? would I be worse off if I had of? Its a bit confusing to me because it's no better from this side. On this side of the fence~ I maintained stability but I'm a lot older now and I'm going back to get my break. I do not look forward to a psych ward and I would consider it ultimate act of betrayal on my therapist part because I've been stable too long to end up there.
I guess I don't expect anyone to really have the answer. I just want to say that dealing with it now might have been the best thing in the world for you. I had stability but only because I got lucky and was able to create an environment that works for me. There was nothing I could do then but now that I can, I see the monkey breaking my back.
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Guilt, shame and embarrassment. All self-conscious emotions. My personal opinion is its a glitch in the wiring. Maybe our ancestors survived near misses because they were painfully ashamed of having almost bit the dust. Maybe its just wonkery.
What I tell people who complain about guilt and shame to me is that its just part of the physiology of traumático stress. People feel GUILT when a tornado blows their house away. It makes no sense. But didn't we build religion around that? Thats where wondering "what did I do" leads. Superstition and rigidity. Dont go there. Just. Do. Not.
Sometimes i feel so sorry. For what I am. Huh? What does that even mean? It can mean I am sorry for fallen humanity. Sorry I came here. Sorry I still cherish my ego. Anything.
Its ok when I can act on the Impulse to give it all away, my money and time and whatever i have. Trauma has made monks añd nuns óf many.