Hi, I totally understand how you're feeling. I have had an obsessive awareness of death since I was a child. I feel very fortunate because I do believe that there is some kind of creative force in the universe...call it "God" or whatever, I don't feel alone. And logic tells me that there is something after we appear to die...something that we cannot possibly comprehend as mortals on this earth.

That said, I still obsess about death. I have pets that I cherish, but I can't really enjoy them because I know they're going to die. And so on. Now - here's the thing: I know that depression makes death seem bigger and closer and very, very powerful. So, while I am not in any way negating your feelings about death, I do believe that a good medication and good therapy would help you to live more in the now and a whole lot less in the "then".