Hello again,
I had a topic on this board before called "unnecessary panic"... Well, it seems like I've panicked again. And I screwed up really badly.
My boyfriend... Sort of has a dark past. And he's working on fixing himself, very hard. I'm immensely proud of him for what he's doing. Anyway, I sometimes have a tendency to panic about things which causes me to have doubts in the back of my mind.
This one was about something that happened back around October-November. I don't want to go into detail about what happened, it was before we were together, but it made me slightly jealous. Since we got together, I've been confident in us, but tonight the back of my head had a doubt, I asked him if we could talk about it, I told him what my issue was and how I was afraid of it. And now he is mad at me.
I don't know why I do these kinds of things, when I am happy with him, and I really love him a lot and I don't want to lose him. I cannot afford counseling/therapy and I am trying to think of ways to talk to him about this, or stop thinking about this.
I will go into a little detail of my past. I came from an abusive relationship that I was in for around 7 years. I used to self harm, the last time I did anything to myself was nearly a year ago and I instantly regretted it. Since I ended my previous relationship, I've found ways to mostly calm myself and relax myself. ; This guy and I have been friends for a while, and I really, really didn't want to screw anything up. I feel horrible about it. I'm sorry for the long post.