Yes, I have an INSANE fear of getting hurt. I have pretty much stayed out of relationships because of it. Well, up until now, as I recently found a guy who is actually willing to work through my issues with me.

I think the "rules" can vary from person to person, depending on the abuse history. For me, it was a matter of trying to stay as detached as possible in order to protect myself. I am one of those super sensitive people as it is, and detaching was a way for me to cope with the constant rejection from my mother. That is, stay detached and you won't get hurt. Also, at the first sign of trouble or rejection, I pull away 10 times as hard. If things aren't perfect, that's a sign of bad things to come, and to avoid the pain, you run away first.

Love = pain because it came with stipulations. Be a good girl, do what your mom wants and then you can have her love and approval. Or something like that, but even that wasn't a sure thing as you could do everything "right" and still not get the love you wanted/needed.

Getting close to people makes you feel vulnerable, and when you feel vulnerable then you are open to others hurting you. If you stay detached, there is less likelihood of becoming hurt.

I can't say I actually like being in such a head space, but getting close to people is extremely scary and my mind just doesn't want the pain. I am finally breaking through my walls at this point, but I know I still have a lot of work in front of me.