I'm sorry you're going through this, bellaviolet. I know OCD is a B****. I have dealt with it since I was a kid, really, and sometimes it's better and sometimes it's worse. It seems to usually be worse. Meds help for me, but I really hate being on them. Off them, my panic disorder (something else I have) is strong, and I can't be like that. I really would like a cure in our lifetimes, but even if they finally come up with one during my lifetime, I'll probably be old.