Mostly physical these days in a way.

* A total lack of energy
* A total lack of motivation
* Just want to sleep all the time
* Extreme Avoidance behaviour and sleeping is one. (although this has gotten much better. Paper work and bills I take care of but this is only recent)
* Lack of interest in anything at all
* Ruminating non stop on depression anxiety, the causes, and cures
* Drawn to these forums where I feel it is the only place in the world besides a few friends who truly understand.
* Total emotional numbness
* Can't think of anything to say and it takes to much energy to say it if I can think of something
* New to the scene is anxiety mixed in with it. Paranoia, a sense of impending doom
* Of course suicidal ideation and sometimes a plan
* Not showering for days on end
* Feeling I am a total burden to everyone yet I want to talk about it to people who don't understand. I have found that this is not a good strategy.
* It's funny but I will still have a faint sense of the real optimistic me in there somewhere when the paranoia hasn't taken over.
* A sense it will never end. I have the same sense when feeling good, that it will never end.
* Avoid all human contact if possible. I make my appointments however.
* Loss of all hope that things can get better but I keep trying the best i can so there much be some hope there.
* Self loathing that comes not from a lack of self esteem but the shame of being depressed and a burden. normally I have good self esteem after many years of work on it.

I also could go on and on but that is enough.
Also it has gotten to the point through I believe a lot of self awareness that I can actually feel that lack of activity in my brain. I can sense the parts that have shut down but I cannot activate them.