it is pre-verbal.

and it is right hemispheric processing (emotional, intuitive etc) rather than left hemispheric processing (verbal, explicit etc).

moments of shared emotion IN THE FACE OF differences of opinion and the like. to disagree without being disagreeable. to share ones thoughts and perspective and have someone listen in an attuned way and then background ones thoughts and perspective and empathetically attune oneself to the others perspective.

a mutual give and take and sharing and exploring of differences in an atmosphere of harmony.

i see how it is supposed to go sometimes. i guess i am very emotionally sensitive and part of what that gives me is a capacity for empathy. trouble is that because of the force of some of my own thoughts and experiences i have trouble not being absorbed by them in order to background them and adopt anothers perspective for a time in order to empathise with them.

people vary in their ability and capacity and willingness... according to their hurts and the like...

but it isn't a particularly verbal activity. or at least it doesn't have to be. though i guess ideally emotions and reason working in harmony sharing and exploring similarities and differences in moments of mutual attunement and moments of reciprocal backgrounding of ones own perspective in order to attune oneself with the other.

and that is very rambly and repetitive. sorry... but i hope i'm conveying it sort of okay.

i think the idea is that one person can say 'i like rock music'. and the other person can kind of go 'uh huh, what do you like about it?' and listen as the person explains what they get out of it... and empathise with what they get out of it and derive pleasure from the person being animated in discussing it and think that it is wonderful that it inspires them in that way and helps them feel alive or whatever. and one has learned something about the person and what they value (what they get out of it) and one can attune oneself to that despite:

the fact that one hates rock music.

and then (ideally) that person would ask what kind of music you like and you can tell them all about what you get out of classical (or whatever) and they can learn about you and attune themself to your response.

but of course people vary in their ability to verbalise (some people find that moments of attunement are found in throwing a ball around or going for a run) and their ability to do this in a mature way (instead of reverting to 'NOOOOOO classical music SUUUUUUUUCKS'.

I really do think the world would be a better place if people worked on improving their ability to empathetically attune themselves to others aka: try to walk for a while in their shoes.

But it can be draining if the person is in a negative mood and / or if the persons experiences are very foreign to us... Or if the person doesn't offer much in the way of attuning themselves to us. That is why we tend to be drawn to people like us (the moments of attunement are indeed easier with shared interests) and drawn to people who we feel happy being around (because they are able to regulate our mood into a positive state, for example).