Hi,

I have depression. It is mostly under control. Right now, I am having a major depressive episode. I have been seeing a my most recent counselor for about 3 years and I was feeling pretty good so I thought I might be ready to wean off of my antidepressants. I slowly went from 100 mg to 50 mg. Then, I got hit with some stressful news. It's a legal issue that is looming. Intellectually, rationally, I know that it will all work out and be ok, but right now I am really suffering. My anxiety is through the roof. I wake up shaking with a pain in my chest. I have no appetite until the end of the day. By the time I go to sleep, I feel a little better, but then in the morning it starts all over again. My husband is really supportive, but it is so hard for him to see me functioning at such a low level. And I am functioning. I go to work, I take care of my kids. I'm really good at faking it to a point. But inside, I feel so much pain. I literally feel sick. I have increased my meds again, but I'm scared it won't improve. My husband really does try to understand but yesterday he said to me: "We really can't spend the whole summer like this." I agree, but it is not like I can just turn off these feelings at will. They are always brewing under the surface. It feels like such a weight. And I feel really alone. And I'm so exhausted. It is so exhausting getting up everyday, fighting the anxiety and trying to keep it together. Fake it til you make it. That's my motto right now. I just wish I didn't have to fake it. I hate feeling so overwhelmed. I'm trying to be nice to myself. Thanks for reading.