I saw my specialist Psychiatrist today and we talked about how good Breaking bad was stupid I know but same as you I never watched tv of being scared I had wasted the day but it is good after all. I enjoyed her help and upping my meds but I feel great you mentioning how amazing the World is because you are right.
It makes me happy hearing this. I look at it this way my friend has a few months to live at only 30! Cancer now I am scared like you but to be honest I couldn't care only as my meds kicked in I wanted to learn Spanish get a house and further my programming and learning.
It feels new and fresh and yes now I jog slowly even though depression sets me back 70 days with no exercise sometimes but I look at the World and it is amazing.
Whoever or what created it is amazing.
I used to not want to play computer or read as it was wasting my life just wanted to get each day to nightime as I would feel better later once dark and when it rained and storms I felt calm. I don't want to mention clairvoyants or witches or anything or beliefs but whether you believe in God or not goto a meeting and meet nice happy people. Be nice to each other like you expect to get treated yourself and believe me you will live a long and prosperous life.
There is nothing wrong with asking questions but the most important thing is believe me someone is looking over you and you.
Hope you get through this

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