Thanks PrairieCat! Ha yes I dont think my psychiatrist and my primary doctor have ever agreed! My psychiatrist gets mad and says, if I had high blood pressure, the primary doc would treat me and he wouldn't say a word about it--but when it comes to psychological issues, he gets annoyed that primary docs try to tell us what to do. He told me they only are required to take I think one course on psychology in med school and dont always know best. My psychiatrist is about 70 yrs old and has seen it all. He told me from the start, if I want to feel better, xanax is the med that will help. I resisted at first, but he convinced me to try and sure enough, I felt a lot of relief and was able to function without fears for quite some time. I hate relying on meds but I was pretty severe and desperately wanted my life back. The regret I do have is what's happening now. If I never went on meds, life would have been agonizing, but I would have been forced to figure out how to deal with the panic disorder med-free. I did go to therapy for 4 yrs straight, but with the xanax is in my system, the work I did progressed slower. So now that I weaned off most of the xanax, I'm not as prepared to ward off the panic as I wish I were. But I cant see myself being able to have done this any other way. I asked 4 docs about xanax during pregnancy and was honestly shocked at the response! I thought they would all tell me, get off that med!! But it was the opposite. They felt it was more important for me to feel ok and calm. The only birth defect with a slight correlation to xanax was a slight increase in cleft palate, but they kept telling me no worries? I took it upon myself to wean down to 1/6 of my normal dose. That was super rough. Some times I was shocked at how ok I felt, and other times, I felt so crappy. I did it pretty gradual, but probably not gradual enough. I went 3 days with no xanax and it didnt go well. So I take a little piece in the morning which seemed to be ok. As of today though, it's gone up to now 1/3 of what my regular dose was. No one seems worried about it at all, and frankly, it still surprises me that I'm not being told xanax is a bad idea, but the baby is healthy. They are more worried about my borderline blood pressure than anything else and dont even bring up the xanax at all at my visits. Very interesting. But I think for someone like me, th husbandis will be my only pregnancy! I learned something valuable about myself I didnt know before, I am a control freak. When you're pregnant, you have zero control over what is happening with your body and very little control over your moods/mind. It's an uncomfortable situation for someone who needs a routine, structure and stability in order to feel ok and keep anxiety down. There's a lot of added stress, worry, and responsibility. While I know I have to deal with this and figure it out, it surely is the hardest thing I've had to do in a long long time!