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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
I almost forgot to mention that my best friend's "second mother" (her other best friends mother) died a few weeks after her father did. So I probably won't be seeing her for awhile. Like I said though, if she'd rather be alone now, she should just say so and not keep saying let's get together all the time and then not do it. It's not the biggest deal there is. I just want to know if this is a normal part of the grieving process. How long does the grieving process take for most people anyways? I know that it varies with each person, but in general, how long does it take for most people?
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Hey Shy....
First, as you probably know on some level, at least, everyone suffers with grief in different ways. I know people who've grieved using all the so-called 'levels' and others who went from anger straight away into acceptance. It's different for everyone.
That said, what your friend is going thru is basically an emotional explosion...rather like walking into a shed unawares there is a grenade preparing to go off. Near as I can tell from your description, her reactions are quite expected (I hesitate to use the word 'normal' for obvious reasons...) and she sounds as tho she does appreciate your support and your regard.
Making plans then breaking them, is totally understandable as well. She may have thought she could do it...and then suddenly realize she couldn't--this could be because she is afraid of looking emotionally fragile (you stated she was a strong woman....maybe she wants you and others to continue believing that...even if, in this at least, she doesn't feel it) and then again, maybe something really DID come up. The rollercoaster she is on right now did not come with a handbook so she could navigate the twists or turns and I'm sure she is doing the best she can to avoid being flung off.
This brings me to you. I feel you are trying to be a good, supportive friend, but I also warn you against (for your own sake) taking her reactions and actions during this time, personally. It's not about you. This is not about you. It's about her. So do what you've been doing...offering support...listening when she says not to send flowers etc because she knows your situation--but continue to offer to take her out occasionally (don't nag) and mostly....just email her....tell her...write her--in another card---that she need only ask and you'll be there for her in whatever capacity she needs.
The best thing you can do to help your friend, is assure her that you'll be there...especially when everyone finally moves on, and gets back to their own lives...leaving her with what's left of the shed she walked into unawares. Let her know..........that especially THEN.....you'll still be there for her.
Take care
