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Originally Posted by MusicalRaven
Friend,
So I feel like it might do some good for me to be able to explain myself. Unfortunately when we talk in person I have a hard time articulating myself and become defensive and shut down before I'm able to really tell you what's going on or how I really feel.
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First, this is a good opening, keep the ball in your court and don't put it on her as her responsibility. owning up to what you do is the first thing to making people more open to listening to you... but then,
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Also the last time I emailed you you said you didn't read it. Read this one. It's important for both of us.
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I have a problem with this line. the "read this one" is kind of bossy and demanding. liek saying "what I have to say is very important and you should listen" You'll receive Quite the opposite reaction you'll get from the first paragraph.
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2) My life as a single woman is lonely and your life as a married woman is not. I have realized that you, as a newly pregnant woman and a wife, cannot be everything that I need from one person.
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First, the "my life ... single... " seems to assume that you know or think her life is better and without loneliness and negatives and almost does a contrasting of your lives and probably would seem to have a guilt-inducing effect. "you cannot be everything I need" Translates to "you're not enough".. not particularly positive.
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That's not a bad thing. I feel like I need someone who will be there for me when I'm lonely, be there to support me in any and all endeavors and be there to share in the joys and sorrows of life. This is a boyfriend, not a friend. I'm sorry that I expected you to be all of these things for me all at once, it wasn't fair and I realize that now.
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NO reason this has to be a boyfriend rather than a friend nor does it have to exclude her from being that for you. Whether she is or not is a different story but this assumes that a platonic friend cannot be there to that level.
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4) Upon further inspection of our last text message issue I realize that what I meant to say was that you really don't seem as interested in my dating life as I would like.
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you really only succeed in restating that you don't think she cares about your dating life. It's just rewording. Uninterested = don't care.
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5) I did not mean for my text to come off as "passive-aggressive" I meant it to be honest but not mean. I told you how I felt, obviously in a way that was not okay, and I'm sorry. I have gotten to the point where I don't know what will upset you anymore. I want to be the best friend I can be, with little drama but I still want to be honest. I will try to be better but I'm still learning obviously and I hope that you would realize when I have just stuck my foot in my mouth. You should know that I would never intentionally hurt you or upset you.
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The bolded line is very negative. I know if someone says to me "I don't know what to expect from you, or how you'll react, only serves to put me on the defensive. This translates to "your emotions are too unpredictable to me" and "I don't know you"
"you should know... " The last thing you want to do is say "you should know I would never [insert anything]" it equates to "you should know better than to think I'd _______" and that if they think that they are ignorant of your true intentions.
To cut this short I won't say more here but I think that writing her a letter isn't a bad idea but it should be edited. It mostly comes off as a letter that is not about her, her needs or expectations but how you are affected in this. Why not ask her for her interpretations on the situation and put the ball in her court to tell you what it is she wants? It seems like you're doign a lot of assuming you know what's going on without a two way conversation going on first.