If she is borderline, then she might not actually remember some of the things she did. I had BPD and did some things to my children I still stress over. But they tell me some things that I honestly do NOT remember.

At any rate, regardless of whatever diagnosis she has, if you aren't able to function well being around her, then it is best not to be.

I spent years in therapy and went through DBT twice to work through my borderline traits--and now I no longer have the diagnosis. My mom is likely Narcissistic PD with borderline characteristics. I see her now and then, but I have been warned by more than one therapist not to spend a lot of time with her.