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Jun 10, 2014, 02:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by waiting4
Hey Shy....
First, as you probably know on some level, at least, everyone suffers with grief in different ways. I know people who've grieved using all the so-called 'levels' and others who went from anger straight away into acceptance. It's different for everyone.
That said, what your friend is going thru is basically an emotional explosion...rather like walking into a shed unawares there is a grenade preparing to go off. Near as I can tell from your description, her reactions are quite expected (I hesitate to use the word 'normal' for obvious reasons...) and she sounds as tho she does appreciate your support and your regard.
Making plans then breaking them, is totally understandable as well. She may have thought she could do it...and then suddenly realize she couldn't--this could be because she is afraid of looking emotionally fragile (you stated she was a strong woman....maybe she wants you and others to continue believing that...even if, in this at least, she doesn't feel it) and then again, maybe something really DID come up. The rollercoaster she is on right now did not come with a handbook so she could navigate the twists or turns and I'm sure she is doing the best she can to avoid being flung off.
This brings me to you. I feel you are trying to be a good, supportive friend, but I also warn you against (for your own sake) taking her reactions and actions during this time, personally. It's not about you. This is not about you. It's about her. So do what you've been doing...offering support...listening when she says not to send flowers etc because she knows your situation--but continue to offer to take her out occasionally (don't nag) and mostly....just email her....tell her...write her--in another card---that she need only ask and you'll be there for her in whatever capacity she needs.
The best thing you can do to help your friend, is assure her that you'll be there...especially when everyone finally moves on, and gets back to their own lives...leaving her with what's left of the shed she walked into unawares. Let her know..........that especially THEN.....you'll still be there for her.
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Hi waiting4, that's true that everyone deals with grief differently. I know for sure that I'd be a total mess for months at the very least! But I think that's because I have depression and in general more sensitive than most people I know. I don't deal with stress very well at all, but some people can to some degree.
About breaking plans, it's not a big deal to me, I'm just trying to figure out why someone says one thing and does another. I tend to take things literally at times and since I usually mean what I say, I expect other people to do the same usually.
I get what you're saying though. That makes perfect sense btw! I don't get why she's afraid of letting her guard down though. Not everyone can be strong all the time. I'm her best friend, so she can feel safe letting her guard down with me at least!
I'm sure that she feels that I'm a good and supportive friend. I was there for her when she needed to talk all the time in the past, and even more so now than ever! I also get what you're saying about other people as well. It's sad but true unfortunately-
Most of those people will just move on and forget about this eventually. I won't. If she needs me, I'll be there for her still. I'll let her know that today. I'll just say, how have you been lately? I miss you and I'm thinking about you.
If you'd like to see a movie and maybe go out to eat sometime, let me know. If not, that's OK, it can wait until some other time. I understand. Of course I won't nag her! She is more independent than me it seems like and I'm certain that she'd rather greive privately.
She never liked going out when she wasn't feeling happy, so it makes sense that she wouldn't want to go out now of course. I was just confused by her behaviour since she seemed so upbeat and actually a little eager to see me after over two months time, but I guess I was wrong about that.
Again, I'm not taking that personally considering what she's going through. If she is depressed or unhappy now, she is doing one hell of a job hiding it very well as she sounds so upbeat and positive still! I guess that some people are just very good at hiding their pain, even from the ones closest to them.
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