Hi jesusplay, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, and it must be really tough on you to keep it all inside (even if it is almost an involuntary/spontaneous/chosen thing at times now??) when they're supposed to be there to offer you the help/support you need.
But that's just it they should be there to offer you the help/support you need. So if you're feeling they're judging you, then perhaps try spelling that out to them e.g that you feel that they aren't listening/understanding or misinterpreting when you've telling them..........you feel that they only want to address any difficulties by...........you don't think that they care about.................whatever you're feeling.
And then if they're not realising how they're coming across to you, if they're misinterpreting things, if there are things going on they've been oblivious to and if they really do want to help you in the best way possible then they should be thinking about how to step it up a level, and allow you to feel that they really are interested/not so much judging you and work with you.
You're there for their help, don't let the opportunity slip by, they need to help you, they need to know that. The sooner you can start getting some real help, the sooner you can start beating this (which I know won't be over night), won't be a moment too soon right?
Alison

P.S. You do know you've got support here as well, right?? So if you're finding it hard, you're finding it difficult to tell anyone anything, we're right here.