Been finding it harder and harder to post anything recently. Just feels like complaining for the sake of complaining.

Did trauma work with my T yesterday... had been dreading it and in all honesty I just feel more empty and down now it's done. We worked on grounding stuff that I could retreat back to if it becomes to much... but I don't feel like it's working and now I've had quite concentrated recollection to a number of things in my past that before would be fleeting and scattered memories that would pop up in isolation.

As such more and more memories have been hitting me today (for what it's worth and without elaboration... a lot of my youth revolved around repetitive physical and emotional abuse both at home and at school... was strong within myself despite it and found coping mechanisms... but it's certainly contributed to who I am now and (wincing at saying this) fractured how I see and process things)

Was irritated with myself during the session... I don't like talking about that stuff as in a lot of regards I see it as situations I could have prevented if I'd been smarter/stronger willed... I also see reflection of it as whining and boring... has made me a bit angry

Not sure if it's something that can be fixed or I can move on from... I know that they say 'for things to get better you have to tackle the things that make it worse'... but right now I'm in that worse part.. I acknowledge that... and I don't actually feel like bothering anymore... I just feel like giving up.

Oh well.