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pinksoil said:
Almeda, how comfortable are you in talking with your T about your relationship with him? (attachment, rejection, transference, etc.) I only ask this because at one point, I kept insisting that my T was uncomfortable or did not want to talk about my self-injury. In actuality, he was completely comfortable talking about it-- I was projecting my own discomfort about the topic onto him. Please don't think I'm pinning you for the lack of discussion about transference and such-- it's just a thought. In my situation, my T didn't actually send signals that would have made me believe he was uncomfortable talking about SI-- it was something I created. Or I would "misread" his signals as discomfort. I often do this with frustration as well. I insist to him that he is frustrated with me, when I'm really getting fed up with myself.

Has your T actually come out and said that transference isn't his thing? Have you asked him any direct questions regarding his stance on discussing your relationship?

I hope you are doing well, Almeda.

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You could be right Pink. I'm not that comfortable talking about it. When I first told him he did say thank you for trusting me with your feelings but then things went bad for awhile when my husband wanted me to quit therapy around this time. He did not understand my feelings for my T and was afraid of it back then. So, I quit for a month and my depression got out of control.

I called my T's office to get a referral, he called me back and I told him my husband wanted me to switch. I realized though that wasn't the right thing to do and my T was instrumental in getting me to return by pointing out how I don't relate to men right. I'm so glad that I did go back and my husband now FINALLY gets it. I've showed my husband so many articles regarding this and he just didn't understand the concept.

He's no longer upset about the feelings I have for my T. We've talked about it a lot recently and he's glad I have him. My husband has learned to be very careful now when I ask him for advice because of what happened before.

I know that I see signals that aren't really there with most people. My T has said I get it wrong all the time with him so he pointed out that my husband might not be as unsupportive as I think....which turned out to be true!

Wednesday is the next session. I'm nervous already. I need to lay all this out there.