I'm not sure I've ever felt worse, I thought things couldn't get worse. I had one day, maybe 3 weeks ago, that I felt "okay". I had to go to the store today, when I got back, I realized it smells like you'd expect if you didn't clean for a month.
I can barely think anymore. I spend too much time here. I try to post, then delete. Try, delete. Because I feel like I'm not worth the space even on here.
The home I last lived in, with the ex that enjoyed my pain and made me feel like dirt, is now turned into actual dirt. I had a few things left there that I would have wanted, but not given notice to get them. Saw for myself, now just an empty buried spot of land.
Was told, good riddance, buried now, you can forget that and its all over with. Still can't forget.
I don't understand, I must somehow deserve the pain I constantly feel. There is no justice. Maybe there is and somehow I just can't see that I do deserve what I get. Maybe I can't see what I've done to deserve to feel like this. I'm tired of hurting, of wanting to just give up and not getting any good moments, even just peace or contentment once in a while, would be enough.