In the process of raising me, my parents have yelled or shouted. But it was minimal and almost every time controlled. I mean, I am pretty sure i can count on one hand the number of times it was done from the time I was able to form solid memories until I became a legal adult. And shouting is not so much a problem, in my opinion FOR ME.

However, what has become a problem more often [though I've had improved reaction over the years] are loud noises: banging of any kind. Slamming doors, dropped books, quickly closed cabinets, drawers that are shoved shut, etc.

This is because these things are associated with poorly regulated anger, frustration, unexplained negative feelings that were not talked out or expressed or worked out. I felt these emotions, feelings. I felt the tension these feelings created even before they were manifested into these physical behaviors and noises and then the release was these noises.

Because there was no explanation, and the release was the noise, and the noises was troubling and upsetting and all of those things were often unpredictable as a child- I didn't have the understanding to know that, for example maybe some *** at the financial institution screwed up something with the mortgage payment and then was unseemingly rude on a friday and then someone at work made it so my father had to stay late and then someone ran into my mother's car, etc etc etc and all of this happened on the same day. I only saw/ heard the end result which was that my parents were obviously frustrated, I had trouble communicating with them and eventually there were loud slamming noises which scared me.

Now when my roommates are trying to get ready quickly in the kitchen- things get slammed or open and shut quickly and it creates a HUGE amount of anxiety. For no reason actually related to what is going on in the here and now. But I get anxious and uncomfortable and a little fearful even- I can feel my body tense up, my heart race, my breathing quicken.

How does this relate?

Shouting generally is effective because it is intimidating.
When you use it as a consistent disciplinary technique and not as a disciplinary technique for things that are DANGEROUS [like when I didn't understand not to cross the super busy and dangerous roads without looking or holding an adults hand] it can get to the point where a child and eventually that adult becomes afraid to be corrected, and afraid to be incorrect, about ANYTHING.

because they are afraid to be yelled at- yelling inccreases physical stress and often beyond our control instill fight or flight. This is useful in very very rare and control situations- as I feel most of the times when my parents very rarely used it to associated an appropriate fear with dangerous situations.

When you start to use it to associate it with math or talking in class, it ends up being associated with every day things, I have no idea if this is TRUE, but I would imagine this could possibly contribute to a general anxiety and associated fear or discomfort with normally innocuous situations.

Harmful, absolutely.


I'm sorry. Not something anyone should be making fun of.