Well I started with a new psychiatrist and she started me on 10 mg of Lexapro and changed my Seroquel for bedtime and sleep to the Seroquel XR so it works during the day too. I think the Seroquel XR is making me dizzy and a little stumbly & clumsy & I can't really tell if that's what it is, or something else is going on it's making me feel mildly drugged throughout the day. I've been feeling moderately depressed a little hopeless and somewhat apathetic. But unfortunately I'm also having elevated irritable symptoms as well... so I think that means I'm still mixed. Why can I just get a nice hypomania with no crazy symptoms just energy and no need to sleep?! Instead I'm up and then down and doing lists and schedules like a mad man on some kind of serious time constraint, but also feeling suicidal & having violent intrusive thoughts & images; some from PTSD trauma flashbacks & some intrusive thoughts of either hurting or killing myself with very graphic images. It's incredible that I'm still dealing with my kids and doing my laundry and showering. I feel so insane inside like I'm going to spontaneously combust or implode or something. All it takes to get a full on panic attack going is me dropping something or some tangled hangers. Tangled hangers are my arch-nemesis. I freaking lose it when I have to deal with them.
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"I would say any behavior that is not the status quo is interpreted as insanity, when, in fact, it might actually be enlightenment. Insanity is sorta in the eye of the beholder."
- Chuck Palahniuk
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