I'm a 27 year old female that has a stable salary paying job with good benefits. I've been at this job for 4 years. I live alone in my own apartment. I pay all my bills and expenses. I'm 100% independent. I have no children, a few good friends, and I just got a graduate degree in a field I love. I live four states away from my parents. In other words...I've turned out all right.

I'm an only child...who was adopted. (Wasn't told until I was 24). And that may shed some light on why my childhood was so rough. I had loving parents and a stable home but we fought constantly. I'd get yelled at for everything. I'd have an attitude about everything. My expectations and my parents' just never matched up. This caused a lot of friction during my teenage years.

Which is why after college I moved a few states away. I wanted adventure and a chance to define my own expectations for my life without my parents overbearing influence pressuring me one way or another. Our relationship improved dramatically and we talk on the phone almost every day.

Their health isn't the greatest. Arthritis has taken a major toll on both of them, but I feel like that recently they are using their health problems into shaming/guilting me.

Example: I just graduated and I had to use a lot of time off for my comprehensive exams and my graduation. My parents drove 5 hours to stay with my at my apt and celebrate my graduation. Every month I put money towards a vacation account so the three of us can go camping in the summer. This summer I wouldn't have enough vacation time for a trip so we decided to go next summer to a place I originally wanted to visit by myself.

To compensate for the lack of a long vacation, and to explore the world around me. I booked a quick and affordable trip to a city I've never been to. I wanted to explore and now is the time when I'm not "tied down" by other people or responsibilities. I told my parents I was going because we talk every day AND they stalk the crap out of me on Facebook. And given my tense teenage years they would say I "lied" or "was sneaky" about my solo trip even though I am an adult with a stable income.

Cue an epic fight. "You threw that trip in our face!" "Why do we always have to drive up if we want to see you?" "Why do you never take the initiative to drive down and visit us?" "We feel like you think nothing of us."

Fighting words.

For the past 5 years my mom will drive up to get me for Thanksgiving/Christmas. I pay for gas, drive half the way, buy food, fancy beverages for when we're home, whatever we need. I feel we bond in our car rides. This is because I don't have a car and renting a car to have it sit in my parents' driveway for a week is expensive. (They live in a rural area so its not like I could rent a car and drop it off somewhere only to re-rent when I drive back home).

The past 3 engagements they "drove 5 hours for" were a bridal shower (not mine) a wedding (also not mine) and my graduation. I provided free lodging and food for these events.

The compromise here would be that I rent a car next holiday to prevent them from having to make that "difficult 5 hour drive." Not a problem. I can do that. But the reality is, that isn't the problem or the issue. They straight up told me they can't believe I wouldn't consider visiting them when its not a holiday. That I choose to go visit a city by myself instead of them. (Just saw them for 5 days a month ago). That I seem to have all the money in the world to do what I want and go where I want but that is never home.

I haven't taken a solo vacation in 3 years. There are a lot of issues at hand here: boundaries, letting go of an adult child, expectations vs. reality, and hovercraft parents. I'd like to cut them off for a few days. Not as a punishment but to clear my head. The truth is I don't want to spend my limited vacation time to rent a car and drive down just to sit in the same room with them. (They will say they are to frail to do anything else.)

Any tips on how to establish healthy boundaries? I believe they (especially my mother) have attempted to use manipulative and guilt tactics my entire life to achieve the expectations they want/have for me. It took me a long time to realize this.

At least I'm still taking my solo trip and I'm still excited about it.