It was suggested to me that I create a post here to reach out. I'm at a very vulnerable point in my life and I'm scared.
I gave birth to my son on February 6th, shortly after I hemmoraged, losing 5 units of bloods. Since then I have experienced alot of really scary things.
I can see and hear the nurses regularly at my house. I feel them touch me. I still see and feel my IVs. I can feel myself bleeding. I have horrible thoughts telling me they should have let me bleed, that I'm a terrible mother, that people only care about my children, not me. I regularly re experience everything I went through. I was on zoloft for 2 months, but pulled myself off it because it freaked out my family and just made my depression symptoms worse, but since then I've been on a steady decline. My husband is extremely concerned as Monday night I woke up screaming from nightmares then after calming down I informed him we needed to go to the hospital because I was bleeding. But I was sitting in a nonexistent pool of blood. He's afraid its starting to impact my ability to care for our children. I space out on him alot and even when I try to distract myself I'm just not there mentally. I have such a hard time vocalizing this that I've backed out on multiple psychologist appointments because the fear of speaking about it is overwhelming. I'm afraid to see my family, meet new people, go out in crowds. Every little thing startles me.
I'm contemplating going to the emergency room. I had suicidal thoughts before being put on Zoloft and I'm afraid I may reach that point again. Has anyone else experienced a hospital visit for issues like this? I don't know what to expect. I'm afraid of the hospital, and, nurses, and doctors, but the fear of not seeking help is starting to outweigh that. Please help me.