So after doing a lot of thinking about how to move forward in our separation and his addiction this is what came up with. Feedback is welcome:

"You’ve indicated in your plan for recovery that this is a 2-3 year process. All the research that I’ve done supports that time period.
What I hear from that:
IT will be 2-3 years before you can wholly work on us.
You won’t be able to have a healthy connection with me until that process is complete
You will be unable to court me fully until you’ve completed that time.

From what I understand no one would encourage you pursing a relationship during this time. That if you were not already married you would follow the normal cycle, plant, animal, relationship with a year in between each thing.

I appreciate that you are excited about the things you’re discovering but it’s not very realistic at this time to expect me to be excited about it also since I have endured three years of back and forth, up and down and abuse while you’ve been trying to figure this out. My experience has been the opposite of yours.
It’s kind of like the growth pattern for kids. When toddlers are discovering new things they’re often super excited and want to share it with the world. Then as they grow they gain understanding and maturity so that by the time they hit adolescence there’s an understanding that not everything needs to be shared with everyone. Then in adulthood that understanding is greater and rather than looking for constant approval, the plan is just put into action. I view this that way as well. You’re in the toddler stage which makes you excited for change. You and I cannot relate until you hit the adult stage.

So…. How do we make that work?
I am willing to commit to a two year window of waiting. This means that In two years I will be willing to reassess where we are at. I understand we might decide we need longer but I don't feel It will take less than two years and significant change would need to take place for me to consider reassessing before the two year mark. Barring some large incident that would leave room for change in this agreement. This would mean we would establish finances and visitation upfront. We would also establish a time monthly at first and then probably weekly where we could sit down face to face and catch up on kids and such. You would not be pursuing me in any way during this time. Then you would live your life as you walk out recovery and I would live mine. IT would mean that you would not update me daily or weekly on your recovery. You would just do it.

I see growth in you already. The question is, will that continue? Or will the zealousness fade? Will you be able to be consistent? Will you fizzle out like you have in past attempts at recovery? I need the time to see that happen. And I’m willing to wait to see."

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