Thanks Jane, I understand as I have experienced that myself a lot too. There have been many times where my IRL situations have challenged me so much that I just do not have the energy or wisdom to address the things others are challenged with. It is ok if you are experiencing that, just do your best to focus on your own needs and healing and I find that is something that is done literally one day at a time.

I have been involved in a scenario that I honestly never imagined ever having to
deal with. I broke and reached out for help and was failed and that has been something
I keep dealing with over and over in more ways than I ever imagined too. I had a lawyer that was failing mentally and all my efforts to reach out for help failed because
of the politics and how well known he was. It had to get so bad that I got desperate
and reached out to a lawyer that I didn't want to use because of how she is part of
the very political horse world. And that is a very different challenge to where I was
concerned that possibly the politics surrounding that would be a problem too, and that
too has reared an ugly head. I was told something that severely triggered me and
I wish I had not acted on that severe trigger as that has blown up in my face too.

I am now at such a loss and I don't know what to do or think, all I know is that
it looks like people that have hurt me in such profound ways are going to get to
get away with it which I know will only empower them and I no longer feel I have
any power to feel safe with all my hard work to have what I had or have left. And
I will be left to continue to pay on a debt that I do not deserve to be left with either.

I am tired and I don't think at this point that there is much that anyone can say that
is going to "fix" this and it is something a person would have to experience themselves
to see the gravity of it all too. Even my T is challenged as he is just doing his best
to help me maintain as he is seeing me being retraumatized over and over again.

My T said something to me yesterday that triggered me badly too. He told me
that I am going to have to "trust" and that hit me hard because literally everyone I did trust failed me big time and left me with even more damage.
Oh, how I wish I actually could "trust", I certainly tried and the results of
that effort turned into situations that I thought were only in fiction novels
tbh.

OE