It was suggested that I maybe post here to seek support. I'm very scared and I don't know what to do. I had my son Feb. 6 and shortly After he Was born I hemmoraged losing 5 units of blood. Since then I've experienced flashbacks, I see feel and hear the nurses. I still see the IVs. I can feel myself bleed and I keep reliving what they went through to save me. I have horrible thoughts telling myself that they should have just let me bleed and that I am a failure. I was on zoloft for 2 months but pulled myself off it because it freaked my family out and seemed to worsen my depression. Even when I try to distract my self I'm just not there mentally and I constantly space out on my husband. He's very concerned because Monday night I woke up screaming from a nightmare and after calming down I told him we had to go to the hospital because I was bleeding, but I was sitting in a nonexistent pool of blood. It was so real for me.
I'm contemplating going to the emergency room to receive attention because I have chickened out of several psychologist appointments. I had suicidal thoughts before being put on the zoloft and I'm afraid I'm headed down that spiral again. I'm scared someone will try to take my kids away. And I'm terrified of seeing the doctors and nurses, but the fear of not getting help is starting to outweigh that. Has anyone been in a similar position? Ehat can I expect if I get up the courage to go to the hospital? What can I do?