When I first met mine, years ago, I kept some of the messages from the chat client we used but after we parted ways (amicably that time...yeah, there's no mystery--he never really let go) I tossed them. So when we got back together, I kept them. Emails, messages...pictures of us. I wanted documentation but if you'd asked me why, back then, I wouldn't have been able to give you a straight answer. Maybe I knew what was coming and just wanted proof.

So after I broke up with him...long after, I looked at the texts, messages, emails..from the beginning and you could see how I was slowly changing....becoming this weird puppet...how co-dependent I was becoming...how pathetic. During one exchange between us, I remember as I read,bursting into angry tears and shouting to 'me' "what the hell is wrong with you???? Why are you SAYING that??? Why are you DOING that???" Quite the eye opener.

I don't read them anymore, but I did keep them. Sort of as a warning to myself, that yes, people can do that...subtly, and terribly easily if we stop listening to the little voice in our heads warning us of something wrong. That voice starts as a freakin gong....but the longer we ignore it, the softer it becomes until not even tinkerbell could make it out on a clear night.

Take care...you'll get thru it. BTW, mine messaged me the other day. I was fully wrecked for hours. But I didn't respond. So then I was sad, angry....and finally (but much quicker than I thought) I moved into resolved. It was wonderful. The pet has sprung the leash.

No, I don't want a relationship now, either...but not so much from fear, as from the fact I lost so much of myself those years, I have to get me back before I'm good for anyone else, much less myself. It'll take time...but I have loads of that.